I need to be random

* I'm currently not working. I was. Now, I'm not. Long story and I won't really go into the details, but I am looking for something else, just taking my time. However, I have LOVED being home (as I knew I would) and I don't want to go back. Anyone know of something where I can work from home? No, really if anyone knows of any ides PLEASE let me know.

* I love having mom friends where I can talk about being a mom, sharing stories, getting advice, discussing how we ever got to this point (especially with those that I knew before parenthood), laughing about what kids do and basically just understanding one another. On the flip side, I love having my non mom/parent friends where I can go out and not talk about being a mom and use them to re-live my non parenting days. I am so lucky to have so many friends on both sides. I can't even say I enjoy one more than the other because both keep me sane.

* I've had kind of a rough week. As much as I talk about the fact I love being home, it's f*ing hard. Every time I get frustrated or I really think I can not do this anymore I remember that this is what I wanted and it really helps me get through those moments. I have such a good baby and I'm so glad that I can spend my days with him. BUT it's f*ing hard. I go to bed at 8 because i'm tired.

* Harrison is really starting to think Walter is the funniest thing around. He is more fascinated with that dog than anything else in the house. I love this and I really can't wait until Harrison is dropping food and Walter takes on the same admiration for him.

* I really wish I could start adjusting to this new body of mine. I try every day to embrace it, but I still get frustrated.  Then, I think why put the effort into getting back into shape if I plan on having more kids?!  I just wish the rest of my clothes fit so I didn't a. have to keep wearing the same things b. buying new things.

* Harrison is not a fan of carrots

* I have bruises all over my body. IF I had to guess I would say it's from toting that dang car seat around town and since I'm not that strong that dang car seat is constantly slamming against my body. Is this normal?

* I smell 95% of the time. Mostly it's breastmilk spit up that I smell like but some of the other time I don't even know.. poop?  I use to be disgusted with the smell(s) but now I kind of just go with it. Yes, I shower but usually if I shower that means I'm a clean target when I get out and my sweet sweet child will make sure some bodily fluid is on me. I'm really just not phased by it anymore and I am almost to the point where I can go out and not care what I smell like.

* We have 0 minutes left this month on our cell phones.Basically, I can only talk to people that have Verizon at this point. This has not happened in awhile. I'm not sure who we I talk to so darn much. I am wondering if I call Verizon and ask them nicely to take off our overage charges if they would do it?  I might try saying something like "hey Verizon, I've been with you since like 2002 when no one even knew who you were and I would really hate for you to lose a customer because of these small 5 minutes". Surely that will work, right? Hopefully the person I speak to speaks English.

* Every time I think my life will settle down I realize that all of our weekends in one month are booked... through October. And then the holidays will start and so really I shouldn't plan on having a free weekend until January. Awesome! I really do love our busy life, but we really need to do yard work. No, I can not do it during the day when I'm home and doing nothing else.

* One more thing on being home, I don't watch tv. My friend asked me one time what I do all day. I honestly have no idea, but I always feel like I'm busy. I mean I do sometimes watch someone for an hour grab their toes and try to chew on them. Productive!

* I really appreciate my husband.

4 Months

I'm sorry, but didn't I JUST give birth?!! I can not believe it has been 4 months. Is it too much that I told my Husband the other day we needed to start planning his first birthday? Don't worry I was quickly told to "settle down". Anyway, here are some pics of my friend..

What he can do: TALK, smile,belly laugh, roll from back to front, roll from front to back, hold his head up, grab his toes, put his whole fist in his mouth and suck, fart and make the whole room smell, sleep through the night (like for 11 hours), say mama (of course, I am the only one that understands this), make-out with Sophie the giraffe, wear clothes that are 6-9 months,scream his head off, grab hair AND eat rice cereal (more on that later).

What he would like to do: Talk in full sentences, put his foot in his mouth and suck on it, walk, be potty trained (oh, maybe that's just me), comb his own hair, play golf, wipe the drool off his own face, and move out (I'm pretty confident he finds his dad and me pretty annoying)

No Judgement Here...

Before I was a mom I would be one of those girls that would quickly judge mothers on what they were and were not doing with their kids. I had absolutely no clue on how to be a mother or why I would think that what I thought was what everyone should think, but I did. Now, ha, I will NEVER EVER EVER judge another mother in my life.

I have quickly realized that there are plenty of things that I said I would never do that I have done more than once since February. Where Harrison sleeps, for example, was never going to be an issue. He was going to sleep in his crib, at all times, from day 1. Well, he didn't. Now, he does but I just might put him in the bed with me to take a little nap after his first early morning feeding. Had you asked me 4 months ago, I would have told you that was dangerous and not good for attachment reasons. I love our snuggle time.

Four months ago if a kid was screaming in public I would have said to myself "geez why can't that parent make the baby stop crying".  Ha! Harrison has been on 3 plane rides (two with me, one with Hubs) and guess what? He has screamed his head off for more than 5 minutes, at some point, on all 3. I saw the looks I was getting, but seriously people? Do you think I want to hear my baby scream in my ear?!  I was saying that to myself as I had tears in my eyes because I felt so bad that other people had to listen to it.  Oh, and then there was the trip to the restaurant where we had to leave not even 5 minutes after sitting down because he decided that he wasn't interested in going out for dinner. On a side note, that night was rough because it was the first time it hit me that our life was different and going out to dinner was no longer a simple task.

Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. I was open to breastfeeding and thought I would do what was best for my baby, but I was not breastfed and I've been really healthy, so I was very open to either side. I never really thought women should do one or the other, and now I REALLY think that. I am lucky that he has taken so well to breastfeeding, but it's hard. Like, really hard. There have been so many times that I've wanted to stop.  We have supplemented formula quite a bit, but I'm still breastfeeding 90% of the time. Plus, the idea of having a period again makes me want to cut my uterus out, so there is some motivation. Oh, and it's free. But, I don't blame any mother for not doing it, trying and not doing it very long, or doing it until the kid is 5.I'm confident a baby can be just as healthy from formula as they could from breast milk. Plus, I'm sure there are some mothers out there that would love to breastfeed, but simply can't for whatever reason.

Basically, what I have realized is that every mother out there is only doing what she thinks is best for THEIR child. Every baby/kid/human is different and what works for one may not work for another. I have a whole new respect for moms out there. It's hard work and I'm sure, just like me, most moms have no idea what they are doing. However, I am waiting for Harrison's manual to arrive any day.  My goal, everyday, is to make sure Harrison is loved and he is happy. If at the end of the day those two things are taken care of then I feel like I have been a good mother.And I'm sure all mom's out there feel the exact same way. It just took me being a mom to realize it.

New Life

Well, I could start off this post by apologizing for my lack of posts over the past three months and promise to make sure I am better about blogging. BUT we have been there before (more than once) and we all know that I probably don't mean it. I want to blog, I do. I mean I log into this almost every day and read other blogs, but for some reason I just never find the motivation. Or, I think "do people really care?" Then I remember that the reason I stalk everyone else's blog is because I am nosy and do care about what other people do or are doing. I'm going to try and get better at this. I need to take the approach that this will be great for Harrison, and other kids we might have, to look back on and see how our lives once were. I'm thinking if I look at it that way instead of a chore or hassle the motivation will come a little easier. We'll see!

The past three months have been the best, the hardest, the most emotional, very adventurous, extremely challenging and yet the most rewarding months of my life. Whew! This parent thing is hard. I mean, friends that had kids would tell me how hard it is, but this is something you will never truly know until you are doing it. Harrison is a GREAT baby. Heck, he was sleeping through the night at 2 months. He is still breasfeeding 90% of the time and boy (no pun intended) is he a champ eater.  He cries, but I have quickly (if you ask my husband he would not say quickly) learned that babies cry. They do, and it's ok. I love waking up to see what new "tricks" he can do that he couldn't do the day before. I love his gummy smile. I love knowing that I am so freaking lucky to be this perfect little boy's mom. I usually want to just cry thinking about it.  BUT it's freaking hard. I'm so worried I am going to mess something up. I'm worried I will do something wrong that will change the rest of his life. I'm worried I am going to walk down our hardwood stairs and drop him and his head will hit every step on the way. Is this normal?! I mean who thinks of these things? I do, apparently!

I'm back at work and have been for about 3 weeks. I hate it. H-A-T-E it. We found a really nice lady that runs an in-home place. She has been great. She is probably around my parent's age and has raised two very successful kids. I know she is good with him, but I want to be home with him during the day. People would tell me that I would be ready to go back, but I was not and am still not. Maybe it's because I don't like my job. Maybe it's because Harrison can't crawl or get into things to make my life so challenging I would like to be away for 8 hours. All I know, is that right now I want to be home with him. If you are a mom that is able to stay home, please count your blessings. We have tried to figure out anyway possible for me to be able to stay home and this second it is not possible. Maybe that's because I am not ready to give up certain things, but I said I would give up A LOT. I'm hoping we can figure something out.... soon!

I can also say that we are lucky to have been able to keep a lot of friends that don't have kids. I knew this was and will continue to be a challenge. We are not afraid to get a babysitter or take him with us and put him in a car seat to sleep while we hang out. It is important to us that we keep the friends that we have. We both value our friendships and we know it is important to have those friends around to keep us sane. I know as he gets older or the more kids we have the harder it will become. I have also learned to make new "mom" or parent friends that we can share stories with or take advice from. Either way, we have been very lucky. Now if more of our married friends would get on the bandwagon and have kids.. geez! On a little side note, I tease my non-kid friends about doing it and how great it is, but I also know that you need to be ready. This is something that you don't mess around with. This is something that will challenge your relationship with your spouse and something that will quickly be make you be less selfish. I don't think we did it too soon or too young because we both wanted kids and this was going to be our life. We love it! I want all the people even thinking about starting a family that it really is the best thing you can do, but make sure you are ready.

I don't even remember being pregnant. Sure, I remember that I complained and ate quite a bit a lot but I don't remember what it felt like. This is a good thing because when I was pregnant, I said I would only be having one child. Now, I am back to the 3 or 4 original estimate. I almost miss the feeling of him moving inside of me. Even 3 months later, I still wish I could have him all to myself. This just means we will have to have more. Not saying I'm getting pregnant tonight, but I know that I want more and especially for Harrison to have a sibling. It really is the best relationship.

Walter is adjusting. I wouldn't be comfortable saying that he is adjusting well, because I think it is hard for him. I think he misses his old life. I think every time we walk in the door and he runs up to the car seat he is thinking "sh**! That kid is back." He has been such a trooper. He has his moments. Acutally, I have my moments with him where I get extremely frustrated. I can tell that I treat him differently or yell at him a little more. He is still our kid and we both love him like crazy. I have yet to think of his as "just a dog". He is a part of this family and he will continue to be treated like that. I just can't wait for Harrison to start eating real food so he can make nice with him by giving him the extras. Unfortunately, that is still a few months away.

So, that is our new life. Adam and I both really do love it. We are still trying to figure some stuff out but I think we will always be doing that. I love when people ask the question "how do you know?" or they say "I'm so glad you know what you are doing!". The funny thing is, we don't. We don't know what we are doing 99% of the time. We use trial and error. We wing it every single day. Thank goodness for Google and Baby Center. Basically, thank goodness for the internet. Also, thank goodness for Facebook. That bad boy got me through some rough 3 AM feedings. Oh, and it also helps when I'm in an utility closet at work pumping or as I like to say milking the cow Don't be jealous of my life.  We really don't know what we are doing, but I do know that we all survived from parents that had no clue. I'm convinced Harrison will be ok. He is loved and cared for and most days I tell myself that over and over again to help me make it through.

Well, I'm off to enjoy a weekend with Walter. Just me and Walter for a little over 24 hours. I do have a pedicure, solo trip to Target, bridal shower and bachelorette party ahead of me. Watch out.. cause this mama is out coming out!!

PS... I'm sad Oprah is over! Not that I am home everyday at 4 to enjoy her, but I do have DVR. Now I will have to fill up my portion with Housewives of New Jersey. It's Jersey Shore all grown up. Same story, different people.

It's A.....

BOY!!

Harrison Scott Gangl

was born on February 18, 2011 at 3:49 AM.

I'm a little late on updating this but after 3 days in the hospital and 2 days adjusting to our new life.

I plan on giving you the full report in a day or so, but until then I will leave you with some pics...

10 things I have learned throughout this pregnancy..

1. I find this one to be the BIGGEST lie and most important fact... it is actually 10 months NOT 9. 40 weeks divided by 4= 10. It is actually quite simple math, so I'm not quite sure who is/was confused.
2. Being pregnant is cute for about 12 of those 40 weeks. Right now, it is not cute.
3. My  goal was to only gain 30 lbs..HA!  I surpassed that a long time ago and now I don't even care what the scale says. If I want a brownie (or 3), you better believe I am eating it and chasing it with a nice glass of cold milk. Cereal at 3 am? Sure, why not?!
4. Day care is not something that is easily found. Then, when I do email or try to contact someone they tell me to check back with them a little later. A little later? Umm.. I'm a spaz and I was hoping to have this figured out before the baby arrived. I. Am. Annoyed.
5.  I love sleeping with my husband right next to me, but for the past 9 months I have never thought more about asking him nicely if he could sleep in the guest bedroom. Walter and I really could use more space.
6. I miss beer. I could go for about 10 Blue Moons right now. I'm drooling.
7. Obviously I am excited to meet him/her, but I may or may not also be super excited to have a mini vaca from work.
8. I will no longer take for granted the ability to do such simple tasks.. such as: putting on my own socks and shoes, carrying a laundry basket, eating without spilling on my stomach, shaving certain areas of my body, bending over to kiss Walter, walking up stairs,walking down stairs, walking in general, and sleeping for 8 hours straight.
9. I hate when I'm in a public place (i.e. Target, the mall) and people stare. Yes, I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm uncomfortable. No, I'm not a freak show. But really in all honesty, I  have a bad habit of staring at people, so I really should not be upset about this.
10. I use to want 4 kids. I am now thinking about great it would be to have just 1. Jk...... Kinda.
*BONUS*
 Every single place should have expectant mother parking

I know it seems like I'm complaining a lot. I have been very fortunate that this pregnancy has been relatively easy.... I barely even felt nauseous in the beginning. I am just SUPER ready for this baby to be here and to start living as a family of 4 instead of 3.

Oh, and I think I need to do a segment on "the things they never tell you about being pregnant".

Nursery

I'm on a role tonight.. not only did I put pics up on Facebook, but this is me updating the blog. Now, if I could just find the motivation to take pictures of my stomach that I will regret not having. To do that, however, I really need to stop wearing sweatpants and a robe whenever I'm not at work. Anyway, here are some pics of the nursery.. we still have a few things to add like blinds, an ipod docking station, the crib mobile and the then the baby. I LOVE it and think the baby will also love it. If it is a girl, I am definitely adding some pink :). 

 

The chair is super comfy!

We need some pics

 

The baby's monogram or initials will go right above the changing pad

 

This is before we painted but this is the bottom part of the built in and right below changing table

WHOA...

who is this chick that hasn't blogged in like 2 months?!?

I really thought that once I had something cool to talk about, I would blog all the time. WRONG!

To make things easy I am just going to list what has been going on the past 9 weeks

1. I'm still pregnant

2. I'm 32 weeks pregnant

3. I'm over this pregnancy

4. I'm hungry all the time. I LOVE cereal

5. I am pretty confident I have set the record for how many times you can pee in one day

6. My vajajay hurts all the time but really bad when I have to get up (TMI? I'm being honest because no one ever told me this about being pregnant)

7.  I've gained 32 lbs. No shame is my motto. Well, that and I just don't care anymore

8. The nursery  is about 90% complete and it looks great.

9. Last week at the doc the baby was still breach. Pretty sure we need to get our act together in there and turn around. 

10. We did the hospital tour. At the end of the tour the nice lady asked how the other classes were going. Our response: "Ehh.. we are just going to wing it so we aren't taking those other classes". The nice lady: "Oh" long pause... "I guess we all choose to do it differently".

11. We have a cleaning lady coming on Wednesday and I can't wait. Maybe it is just a sense of relief that I don't have to worry about cleaning this house before my in-laws come on Friday night. 

12. I thought we had names picked out BUT some days I just don't know. No one ever told me it was such a big responsibility to name someone for the rest of their life.

13. I had a fantabulous baby shower the beginning of December. Tea party was the theme and I am so lucky to have such great friends and family.

14. Hubs and I took a mini-vaca in October. We went to  Cooperstown, NY, Salem, MA and then we spent 3 days in Boston with my good friend and her husband. We had such a great time and I was so glad we could see the northeast in the fall.
15. Hubs finished his thesis a couple of weeks ago and that means he is officially done with grad school. SOOO happy for him.
16. My sister-in-law got engaged last weekend. SOOO excited for them and the wedding.
17. Walter has decided to change his sleeping location from my feet to right next to me.In the middle of the night he will nudge my arm so I move over and he can jump up. ADORABLE! I really feel bad that his life is going to change in 5 weeks when I reach in and pull this baby out 8 weeks.
18. I need to find a part-time gig . Anyone have any ideas where/how I can find one. Or, I need to work from home.
19. Why is daycare so expensive?
20. My good friend, Cynthia, started a blog. It's funny (well I at least think so) that she gives me such a hard time about blogging and not keeping up with it and just the other day she told me.. and I quote "it is so hard to find time to blog". Umm.. yes, I know this! Anyway, she is really funny and you should go read about her life.

HALF WAY!!!

20 WEEKS

Total weight gain:

15 lbs

Maternity clothes:

My collection is coming along nicely

Sleep:

For some reason, I feel as if I should be getting up more in the middle of the night to pee. Maybe I should drink more water? Or, I'm just lucky.

Movement:

LOTS!! Especially when I'm on my side. I can't see it from the outside, but I can feel it.

Food cravings:

How about I just let you know when it is not Jimmy Johns ?!

Gender: 

Girl! Well, I don't know this for sure, but I have strong feelings. Let me tell you the hardest thing... lying on a table with the ultrasound tech measuring every inch and at the end I asked her if she knew what it was and then she smiled and said YES, yet we still can't find out. AHHHH!! I can't believe I'm doing this.

What I'm looking forward to:

Starting on the nursery. My in-laws are coming in a couple of weeks to help us with the built ins we are doing where the current closet is. I can't wait to see the finished product and then start painting.

What I miss:

My waist

Milestones:

Hubs being able to feel the baby move. Most of the time he/she will stop moving as soon as I say 'put your hand here', but we were sneaky and hubs got to feel one strong move.

19 Weeks

19 Weeks!

Total weight gain:

10-12

Maternity clothes:

I don't even really bother with normal pants anymore. Old Navy was having a big sale on their maternity clothes, so I definitely hit them up for some fall staples. I still need 1 more pair of jeans and some other pants. Other than that, I'm thinking leggings all winter!

Sleep:

For some reason I've almost stopped waking up because I have to pee. Not that I am sleeping through the night because every time I want to move positions it's a process of waking up, moving, getting comfortable again, apologizing to Walter for disturbing him, telling Hubs to stop snoring, and then falling back asleep. Or, I wake up and deal with a bloody nose.


Movement:

They are getting really strong. Last night I was pretty sure that they could be felt from the outside so Hubs and I had this conversation:
Me: "Put your hand here because I think you will be able to feel it"
Hubs: after waiting 5 minutes "I can't feel anything"
Me: 10 minutes later "Ok, try again!"
Hubs: after not feeling anything again" UGH! I don't understand why you are hogging all of it. I want to feel it too! That's ok this kid will be better friends with me when it comes out, so feel it move by yourself all you want"
Me: "Umm.. ok too bad this kid will be pretty much latched to me for the first 6 months of it's life, but good luck!"

Food cravings:

and... still Jimmy Johns. I am still not sure why the one by work has yet to recognize my voice when I call. I'm sure I'm getting there..

Gender:

I'm pretty confident it is a girl. Everyone but me is having dreams that we have a girl.

What I'm looking forward to:

Our good good friends are getting married THIS weekend!! I can't believe that it is here. Some days I feel like they just got engaged and other days I feel like they have been engaged forever. I know it is going to be a beautiful wedding and I am so glad that Hubs and I can be a big part of their big day.

What I miss:

The ability to move at a quick pace and my back NOT hurting all the time. 

Milestones:

After reading Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy (highly recommend to any pregnant women), I have accepted that my body will never be the same and that this baby will be worth every single thing that has changed in my life.